Pax Inguinalis: Negotiating a Just and Lasting Peace in the Inguinal Region (Part 1)

Pax Inguinalis. Negotiating a just and lasting peace in the inguinal region, Part 1, by Negotiator-in-Chief, Patch Groin, MD, delegates to the final negotiations for implementing the Pax Inguinalis, will convene in Rouen, France, on February 8th to 12th, 2025. Many of the delegates have asked, Rouen. Why? Rouen was chosen because of its central location as well as a transportation infrastructure that bypasses most of the more congested areas of the region. After much discussion, it was decided that each of the regions at the conclave will be represented by two delegates.

The contentious debate between Abdomenia, the largest nation, and Flexidia, the nation with the greatest potential for expansion was amicably resolved by the skillful intervention of the representatives from Pupica. The Tucus representatives bridged their own internal differences by realizing that they were united by both geography as well as by common national goals. Although not actively participating in these preliminary meetings, the representatives from Terra Incognita, the southernmost nation represented, served as monitors. Both delegates from BAPKIS were dismissed from the negotiations by a unanimous vote. They did no work and made no contributions to the effort.

Those familiar with the preliminary aspects of these negotiations will recall the April 1, 2021 memorandum informing the membership that the working title for this conclave has been changed. What was known as training surgeons to understand re-operative inguinal surgery, TSURIS, will now be known as the Pax Inguinalis. The delegates adopted the suggestions of Professors Antonio Scarpa, Eduardo Bassini and Petrus Camper. The planning committee responded to their impassioned plea for a name change based on historical precedent. These dedicated physicians explained to the steering committee that the Pax Romana was a long period of peace during the time of the Roman Empire. True, there were social inequities and a paucity of capital gains taxes, but generally peace reigned.

Scarpa, Bassini and Camper stressed that the Pax Romana was due to a well thought-out strict Roman command structure. There was order and relative tranquility. People understood what had to be done and they understood the consequences of not doing what had to be done. All was right in the Roman world during that time, and that's all that mattered since the Roman world was the world. The Negotiating Planning Committee agreed to abandon the clumsy working title of TSURIS for a historically accurate title, reflecting the intent of these negotiations. It has been a great honor for me. After 40 years of surgical practice that followed six years of transformative surgical education, to work with such a group, I will preside over this conclave and will try to do for the human groin what the ancient Romans did for the world.

This medical white paper about hernia repair will be continued in part two.